Tuesday, October 31, 2006


I read a book. It was a stupid book, but a book just the same. Phew.

the small things

I got another fake credit card in the mail today. Mwahahaha. (See this post.)

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

serious disease

Something is dreadfully wrong. I don't know what is causing it, but it is very serious. The possible implications of this disease may be extreme. I can't go to a doctor. I am at a loss...

I have not finished a book since September 13. According to my 150 books/year record for 26 Aug 05 to 26 Aug 06, I should have read at least 15 books since then. I just don't get it...theoretically I should have more time since my classes are easier and I'm slacking on regular running...I even grocery shop less. I have been carrying around the same book in my bag for all this time..and I'm only halfway done.

What is this disease? I fear that it's called a "social life." Somebody save me from my fate. I can't have a life. It would ruin my carefully laid plans to be a semi-loser and die alone. I want to read..but don't. I need therapy.

Friday, October 20, 2006

a brit am i

Now there are four people who have commented on my "accent."

Person 1--Male. Tall. Odd.
David: Did you get your accent from your mom?
Me: What accent?
David: Your british accent. It comes and goes.
Me: I don't have a british accent. And what would my mom have to do with it?
David: Yes you do. And your mom is british.
Me: No she isn't.

Person 2--Female. Not odd at all.
Me: David thinks I have a british accent. That is so funny.
Sam: You do. It comes and goes.

Person 3--Male. Sat down next to him at a wedding, and this conversation took place within 30 seconds.
Forgothisname: What's your accent?
Me: I don't have an accent. I'm not from anywhere that has an accent.
Forgothisname: Yes you do. It sounds british.
Me: People keep telling me I have an accent. I don't have an accent.
Forgothisname: Maybe it's more of a poetical enunciation.

Person 4--Female. Russian. It took place last Sunday within 30 seconds of meeting her.
Olga: Are you english?
Me: No, why?
Olga: Sounds like you have an accent.
Me: Funny, you're not the first person to say that.
Olga: Are you trying to have an accent?
Me: Er..no... [did she really just ask me that?]


And so. I repeat, I don't have an accent. So what if I read too much and never say "my bad." I am not related to anyone with a british accent.

Latest blunder: I substitute tutored a 3rd grader tonight. She finished her homework and so we started to play SORRY. I was winning, and when our time was up she got up and glared at me. I said, it was nice to meet you. She said, it wasn't nice to meet you, and ran out. Nice.
Note to self: let third graders win board games in future.

Thursday, October 19, 2006

Act 1: Scenes 1 - 3

And so. I decided a few months ago that I should carry a voice recorder around with me (figuratively) and record my conversations. Then I'd put them in a book and sell it and be rich, because of course, my conversations with people are...odd. (I am not really going to make a book, sorry to dash your hopes.)

And so, here begins my first three scenes of seemingly unconnected events (which, in fact, are unconnected, if you suspected otherwise).

---Scene 1---10/17/06, 8:30 pm.
Setting: Me, standing 10 feet from a pillar, talking to the aforementioned Libby, who suddenly answers the phone.

Adam: mumble mumble [This person was not in the setting because he came out of nowhere.]
Me: what?
Adam: Good job singing.
Me: Oh. Thanks. [I may or may not have sung that night...in a choir.]
Adam: mumble mumble
Me: huh?
Adam: I'm going to go to the bathroom now.
Me: Ok, you have a good time.

[Why does this person tell me he is going to the bathroom? I barely know him. Lucky me.]
---end of scene 1---

---Scene 2---10/17/06, 8:54 pm.
Setting: Me, leaning against a pillar talking to a boy in a suit in MemChu (aka, stanford memorial church). (Ok, ok, it's the same pillar as in scene 1. But the events are still unconnected.)

Nathan: You look melancholy.
Me: No, this is me, being meditative. Do you meditate on one of those round black cushion things?
Nathan: Did you just ask me if I have a round black pillow that I sit on to meditate?
Me: No. It was a fake question.

[And I wasn't even being sarcastic on the last line. Why do I say such stupid things? Needless to say, the scene ended soon after.]
---end of scene 2---

---Scene 3---10/18/06, 11:15 am.
Setting: Me, standing outside Blume Center, in the sun, staring at the ground.

[Shadow approaches, and stops.
I look up at the shadow. Behold, a person. A person I know.]

Me: Hi.
Josh: Are you waiting for someone?
Me: no..
Josh: So, you just thought you'd stop because you'd come to the stop sign?
[I look upward. The pole next to me does indeed have a stop sign attached. It is a funny thing.]
Me: no. I came to be warm. [Because I was cold..obviously.]
Josh: Oh.
Me: Happy Birthday two days ago.
Josh: Thanks. Oh yeah, it's birthday donut day. I'm going to go get one.
Me: Bye. Have fun eating donut.

[I continue to stare at the pavement..standing at the corner, adjacent to two crosswalks, at the stop sign.]
---end of scene 3---

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

don't read this entry

I am alive. I am busy. I am delinquent in my blogging, but have not had any proper inspiration of witticisms to publish. And so you are stuck with this, which began innocently enough as my gchat status line in the middle of the night when I was in a silly mood.

1:36 am: a police car just passed. I hallucinated that the siren was a guy outside whistling "If I only had a brain." It took me far too long to realize my error--it totally sounded like the song. Amazing. (except, when I wrote it late last night on my gchat status, I misspelled "hallucenated")
2:10 am: finished up an entire TP roll from blowing nose all day.
2:45 am: outdoor stroll to the printer cluster.
3:30 am: sleep.
7:26 am: alarm.
8:04 am: late for class. Again.
9:14 am: arrive at Vaden health center for an appointment.
9:45 am: emerged from health center, with nothing more than a "run of the mill cold" and a giant band aid over a liquid nitrogen attack zone on my leg.
10:45 am: finally found two papers on levee piping in Stanford library online that eluded me for a whole hour .
11:45 am: gave up pretending to remember structural analysis for dynamics homework, and went home to eat and get the book.
12:45 pm: stared at homework, back at school.
2:30 pm: decided sleeping at desk is less helpful, and went home to sleep in bed.
6:20 pm: fire alarm goes off in apartment building, waking me up. I go to the wrong check point outside of the building, since they never count heads anyway. I got a free gift of two hot pads with big warnings on them to turn off stove/oven when done cooking. Yippee.
6:45 pm: Libby feeds me. How nice.
7:25 pm: head out to county library.
8:15 pm: tear myself away from county library having checked out 5 more books.
8:48 pm: writing a lame blog entry.

And so. Obviously my life is action-packed, and everyone wants to be me. I did not remember to get my mail, not that there would be any.

I am participating in a haiku competition.

I think I am the last person to download iTunes. I have finally done it. I set my music so that it would be shared, too, but forgot to change the default name from "Laura's Music" to something else. Two hours later someone came by my room claiming to know I was home because "your music was online." Luckily, said person was non-scary, but I changed my music share title to something else in case there is ever a semi-scary stalker person.

Latest blunder: someone remarked to me that she had witnessed "post office trauma," and I actually thought she meant after hours arguing at her new job. Brilliant, Laura, brilliant.

I have nothing further to say.

So long, and thanks for all the fish.