the long dark confusing and pointless battle of cheesecake

I have been debating for years whether I should like cheesecake or not. I didn't like cheesecake for many many moons. I had some at my senior prom but it made me sick. But, in truth, whether or not I would have felt sick at that exact moment with or without cheesecake is uncertain. I suppose I'll never know. I would relive the day, but that would be semi-miserable since my corsage was cutting off my circulation all night. Then I had cheesecake when I was in New York on choir tour. I thought..why not have "new york cheesecake?" Indeed, why not. So I did. More than once. The thing is, cheesecake doesn't make me want to dance and sing. I would be ok if I never had cheesecake again for the rest of my life. I would not be ok if I never had rice pudding again, however.

I have been pressured by my peers to take up cheesecake. They whisper, "you know you like it." These whisperings do not win me over. However, upon visiting Stanford campus last year, my lovely hosts took me to the Cheesecake Factory. I had never been. We ate cheesecake, naturally. I could hardly say no. I think I liked it. Then I felt sick-ish. Then I decided not to like it again. A year later, I go off sugar with a friend. She kept saying after our no-sugar month is up, "we have to go get cheesecake!" Ok, fine. So the month ended, and we went to get cheesecake. I chose something that turned out to be completely dismal. I am uncertain if every choice would have turned out to be dismal. I have no way of knowing. Therefore, I suppose I shall never know. So then I decided not to like cheesecake again. But then I had it again months later after I had forgotten I didn't like it. I just can't get away. But I have now decided not to like it once more. I will not be swayed. I will not eat cheesecake at your wedding, at my wedding, at my children's wedding, or at my funeral. Or at anyone's funeral. I'd rather have jello and potatoes.

If anyone succeeds in convincing me to like cheesecake, I will write them a brilliant and witty poem as a reward. But do so at your own peril, because I don't like cheesecake.