Tuesday, July 18, 2006

The stereotype I will become.

I am an aunt. This is a marvelous thing. I have never before been an aunt. I have decided to become "the cool aunt." I feel as though I am exceptionally qualified for this position.
My qualifications:
1. I am single. Thus there is no one to distract me from baby.
2. I live near San Francisco, the city where cool stuff is.
3. I go to Stanford. That, in itself, is "cool."
4. I will purchase pointless gifts for baby.
5. I live far away from baby, thus baby will look forward to seeing me. Baby will also never have time to discover any reasons why I should not be "the cool aunt."
6. I fly on planes a lot.
7. Baby will think I'm cool because I work in a building with a wind tunnel where they fly miniature planes.
8. My hair is very very short. Thus I am hip. (However, the other aunt has very short hair too. Thus we shall both be hip.)
9. I read a lot of books. Therefore I am brilliant. Thus, I am cool.
10. Because I live far away, baby could come and visit. Visiting far off places is cool, especially when you know someone there.

There is the list. If I think of anything else I'll update it.

4 comments:

Dad said...

On 7/20/06, Dr. James Russon

Good Job clarifying your coolness. Why I will be a cool Papa:

1) I will be able to show baby how to dig holes in the sand with strait line angles and a perfectly flat mesial gingival box

2) I wear a cool uniform.

3) Baby will think I work in a hospital. I don't have to tell him the truth for long time.

4) I will buy baby green scrubs so he can be like Papa

5) I will help to familiarize Alexander with all of the near mythical feats of his namesake.

6) I will buy a version of the Iliad so he can always have it under his pillow just like Alexander the Great.

7) I can pretend to be Aristotle and give Alexander reading lessons, (in Greek).

8) I can teach him how to build wooden horses.

Love, Dad

Alex's Mommy said...

Baby looks forward to all of the various gifts promised him in this post.

russrls said...

I am a cool Grandmommy.

I crochet blankets with flying saucers and rockets on them. Therefore I am cool.

I get to tell 38 piano students what to do. Notably cool.

I can stand on miniscule risers and sing for an hour with numb feet without passing out. Amazingly cool.

I plant mass quantities of trees and shrubs. Environmentally cool.

I will crochet a chemistry set for every grand child. Absurdly cool.

I will live in a condo on the moon. Astronomically cool.

I can design landscapes and houses in my sleep. Three dimensionally cool.

I read books Laura recommends. The height of literary coolness.

The end. How cool.

Dad said...

Despite all the coolness of russrls I have always found her to pretty hot.

So long, and thanks for all the fish.