translation to: a mathematical love story

It seems as though I was a bit obscure. Thus I will provide a line by line translation.

Firstly, one must understand that my husbands initials are DRH, but usually just goes by DH, dropping middle initial. My initials are now LRH, but I have hitherto been known as LR. Thus H is husbands last name.

Secondly, (<3) is a heart (in parentheses)! Gchat has taught us these essential techniques for expressing one's self.

---if(dh + lr = <3, lr=lrh, lr=lr); ---
If statement: DH plus LR equals love. If true, then LR becomes redefined as LRH. If false, LR remains LR. (LR representing the hitherto single entity). This is the IF format used in EXCEL.

---elseif(dh +lr =2*(<3), dh=dr,dh=dh);---
If statement: DH plus LR equals twice love. If true, then DH changes name to DR (takes LR’s last name), If false, DH remains DH. ELSEIF is a command in matlab I think, but it is pointless in my opinion because IF does the same job.

---dh=drh;---
DH redefined to be DRH. This is just to create the new variable DRH for future use. Also note the semicolon at the end of the lines to this point. MATLAB and MAPLE lines end in this, though MAPLE also uses a colon.

---factor(drh + lrh) = (d + l)rh---
LRH has been created as a variable because the initial IF statement turned out to be true. Thus now there is both DRH and LRH variables in the workspace. Now I take the twisted turn of ignoring previously defined variables and assuming d,r,h,and l are all unique variables as though in an algebraic equation. I factor the common RH out of the equation. FACTOR is something I used to use in MAPLE and MATHEMATICA. I stopped using semicolons to terminate the lines at this point because I'm now looking at it as an algebraic equation and not a statement.

---(d+l)rh=(<3)---
Returning to the original IF statement, since LR became LRH, DH plus LR must equal love. And since I factored DH plus LR to equal (d+l)rh, I plugged that in the love equation.

---...d+l=(<3)/rh ---
And now I am just manipulating the equation with standard mathematical operations.

---...d+l-d=(<3)/rh-d ---
---...(l-d) +d = (<3)/rh-d ---
---...(l-d) = (<3)/rh-2d ---
Aha. And now I have solved for (l-d).

---if(l - d = h) ---
I have subtracted the 12th letter of the alphabet from the 4th letter of the alphabet. This resulted in the 8th letter of the alphabet, h.

---& substitute:---
---thus: h=(<3)/rh-2d ---
I solved the above love equation for (l-d). Since I determined (l-d) equals h, I substituted h for (l-d).

---...h = (<3-2drh)/rh ---
more manipulating.

---...rh^2 = (<3) - 2drh ---
---...rh(h+2d) = (<3) ---
This is the final line of my proof. I have redefined love (<3).

---!!---
I tried and failed to find "therefore" in the symbol options or in the ALT secret combinations. Does anybody know how to make "therefore"? Alas. I know not.

---A: rh(h+2d) ---
---Q: What is love---
In Jeopardy format.

a mathematical love story

if(dh + lr = <3, lr=lrh, lr=lr);
elseif(dh +lr =2*<3, dh=dr,dh=dh);
dh=drh;

factor(drh + lrh) = (d + l)rh

(d+l)rh=<3
...d+l=(<3)/rh
...d+l-d=(<3)/rh-d
...(l-d) +d = (<3)/rh-d
...(l-d) = (<3)/rh-2d

if(l - d = h)
& substitute:
thus: h=(<3)/rh-2d
...h = (<3-2drh)/rh
...rh^2 = <3 - 2drh
...rh(h+2d) = <3
!!

A: rh(h+2d)

Q: What is love

What I've done the last month instead of blogging:

1. gone to three wedding dress fittings
2. had two bridal showers (makes for seven total)
3. searched for, stressed over, and finally found new apartment
4. haunted craigslist looking for furniture
5. made 10+ house visits to look at furniture or pick up
6. rented a truck twice
7. spent many hours online fruitlessly researching anything and everything wedding related
8. was broadsided on Dumbarton bridge and became one with the concrete barrier at 80 miles per hour
9. became bridezilla
10. drove through MacArthur Maze during rush hour and lived
11. stressed over late wedding invitations which led to a Berkeley stake out
12. typed up 300 labels
13. stuffed and mailed 550 wedding invitations
14. cleaned new apartment (the dirtiest wood floors EVER)
15. discovered computer has died (again)
16. packed up old apartment
17. moved into new apartment
18. found silverware
19. ate cereal
20. slept in my new lovely bed

And now we have reached the present. I now live in a chaotic mess lined with a whole wall of bookshelves and lovely books. And a fridge that is all MINE.

Meanwhile, I still work full time and commute 2 1/2 hours per day. And I am not sick. This is a miracle.

perfect fruit

I have eaten the most perfect banana.

A brilliant yellow.
Opened with ease.
No browning of fingernails due to misplaced banana juice.
No hint of ripe aftertaste.

Sigh.

Bridezilla cometh

I am Bridezilla now.
Beware.
I am mean.
I make impossible demands with no remorse.

A haiku for you:

Bridezilla cometh
Stay not in paths of danger
Beware the large foot

lunch room ladies part 2

Today I made the mistake of acknowledging that I heard the conversation going on in the lunch room. As they ate, the admin ladies were trying to remember a movie where a manikin comes to life, and I thought I knew one possible answer. I joined in the conversation (while across the room at the sink washing my bowl) saying something I thought might be of interest to them on that topic.

The reply: "uh huh." Then silence.

I somehow managed to hault their conversational progress by participating.

Lesson learned.

tissue crisis

When I get a cold, my asthma takes over and I get a disgusting, wet, 4 week long lung hacking cough. Such as now.

At times like these, I greatly value the boxes of tissues people have given me. I have one at work (or rather, had one, since I used the last bit yesterday) and one at home (now nearly empty). Unfortunately I can't carry them around with me, so I carry around a roll of toilet paper in my bag. I think it is very practical. Why not carry a roll of tp? It's cheap, compact (at least more so than a tissue box), abundant in supply (much better than the portable tissue packets that will be gone in 30 minutes), and easy to get to. But I have encountered resistance to this concept. Some people just don't think tp should be carried around like that, or they find it extremely funny. I think it is funny, but still practical so I keep doing it. In fact, one of the tissue box gifts was a result of my last evil cough, from my roommate. Along with the tissue box was a note saying she hoped this gift would help the bathroom supplies last longer. It was a lovely joke, and it did help the supplies slightly:)

I didn't always carry tp around. Once upon a time, I wasn't always sick or having a runny nose. My current job is death to my health. Apparently. My tp days started when I was studying abroad in the UK at Cambridge. I discovered that I was very allergic to something in the air, and I could not stop sneezing. Being in a foreign country, naturally I could not find familiar allergy remedies and I didn't know what to take. My solution: steal toilet paper from the bathrooms (because I was in classes and could not go to the store) so I could blow my little nose to my hearts content. I carried tp around with me the whole time I was there, and even took some home with me on the plane. I kept that tp roll for a few years as a souvenir of sorts, but finally just finished it off:) It was a thrill using foreign toilet paper, let me tell you. I had people tell me after getting back that Benedryl definitely exists in in England. I must not have looked in the right places. Alas.

The most remarkable thing: I was just gifted with a new box of tissues! Not 5 minutes ago! I blow my nose with such high frequency that running to the bathroom each time is not efficient. Having run out of tissues at work yesterday, this morning I got some tp reinforcements from the bathroom in anticipation of much nose blowing today. But to my delight one of my cube neighbors (a cube mother, to be precise, who takes care of me) knew of my misfortune and brought me a new box.

My tissue crisis is over.